Sweater Villains Customer Privacy Policy

Sweater Villains’ privacy policy covers the collection and use of personal information that may be collected by Sweater Villains anytime you interact with Sweater Villains, such as when you visit our website, when you purchase Sweater Villains products and services, or when you call our sales or support associates. Please take a moment to read the following to learn more about our information practices, including what type of information is gathered, how the information is used and for what purposes, to whom we disclose the information, and how we safeguard your personal information.

Why we collect personal information

Why do we collect your personal information? This is a band, and the best way to promote a band is by word of mouth. You can’t fathom the amount of effort it takes to drive traffic to the Sweater Villains website. When people actually stumble upon it and impart a piece of their personal information to us, it makes it that much easier to inundate them with announcements, updates, and targeted marketing schemes. Once we get your email address, we’re going to drill Sweater Villains into your brain until you’re dropping the band’s name into everyday conversations.

If you do not want Sweater Villains to keep you up to date with Sweater Villains news, updates and the latest information on products and services, we suggest you get a new email account.

What information we collect

The moment you log onto the Sweater Villains website, we do everything within our power to figure out exactly where you are and how we can best go about opening a direct pipeline of information between our servers and your personal computer. Every link you click, every keystroke you make, every movement of your mouse is recorded and analyzed for our research purposes. We will strive to collect your personal information including (but not limited to) your name, mailing address, phone number, email address, occupation, place of business, annual income, shopping habits, musical preferences, venues you've attended, bars you frequent, liquor predilections, amount of alcohol you consume on a weekly basis, drug habits, sexual orientation, number of encounters, social security number, education history, allergies, age, height, weight, eye color, hair color, driver's license number, names of pets, high score on Frogger, shoe size, shirt size, ring size, dress size, bra size, penis size, favorite color, television viewing practices, myspace url, thoughts on having children, religious affiliations, political party, handwriting sample, last book you read, intelligence quotient, date of first kiss, diet, gym membership i.d. number, automobile make and model, tax bracket, fantasy football roster, cholesterol level, hobbies, felony arrests (if any), porn sites that you visit, maiden name, friends, enemies, relatives, summer home location, golf handicap, credit score, credit card numbers, pin number, birth weight, average speed, ethnic background, estimated lifespan, blood type, fighting weight, fastest mile, passport photo, prom date, vocal range, cell phone number, beeper number, family physician, length of bangs, pill prescriptions, Christmas list, yearbook quote, extra-marital affairs, nickname, military record, vaccinations, blog url, lucky numbers, deepest, darkest secrets, and how much you can bench.

If you use a bulletin board or chat room on a Sweater Villains website you should be aware that any information you share is visible to other users. Personally identifiable information you submit to one of these forums can be read, collected, or used by other individuals to send you unsolicited messages.   Many of these unsolicited messages probably come from perverts who are completely nude while they sit at their computers attempting to contact you. If not perverts, they are at the very least lying to get you into bed. Be very careful. Sweater Villains is not responsible for the personally identifiable information you choose to submit in these forums.

When we disclose your information

Sweater Villains takes your privacy very seriously. Be assured that Sweater Villains does not sell or rent your contact information to other marketers unless a fair price is negotiated. In the event that more than one company is offering financial incentives for the personal information we’ve gathered from you, Sweater Villains will play the aforementioned parties off of each other in the hopes of creating a bidding frenzy. Once our team feels it has been offered the highest possible price for your information, we will sell to the highest bidder, then secretly negotiate monetary settlements with the remaining institutions. Certain situations may arise where Sweater Villains decides to sell your personal information on spohrslist.com, or just send it out in a mass email for a lark. Rest assured however that we will do our best to make a decent sum of money from any transactions involving your info.

At times we may be required by law or litigation to disclose your personal information. We may also disclose information about you if we determine that for national security, law enforcement, or other issues of public importance, disclosure is necessary.

Cookies and other technologies

As is standard practice on many corporate websites, Sweater Villains’s website programmers use “cookies” while designing content and gathering your personal information. They also use chips, pizza, cheese crackers, donuts, burgers, fries, hoagies, soda, beer, snack cakes, and pretzels. Basically any kind of junk food will fit the bill, but cookies are generally the most desirable snack. Sweater Villains like when you send them cookies, and feel a slight pang of guilt when they give away your personal information.

Our companywide commitment to your privacy

Listen, the Sweater Villains are horrible people to work for. They demand an insane amount of content for the site, want it all done lighting fast, and pay us far too little, but just enough to keep us from finding other jobs. They’re always screaming that we’re not doing anything to promote them, so every chance we have to get your personal information for those purposes, we’re going to jump on it. With bosses like these, is it any wonder that we’re constantly snacking on junk food? The band makes it very clear to all of its company’s employees, they come first, and they won’t be happy until they completely dominate the music industry.

We do have our limits however. We do not knowingly solicit personal information from minors or send them requests for personal information.

Sweater Villains’s website has links to the sites of other companies. Sweater Villains is not responsible for their privacy practices. We encourage you to learn about the privacy policies of those companies.

Privacy questions

If you have questions or concerns about Sweater Villains’s Customer Privacy Policy or data processing, please email us at privacy@sweatervillains.com. The Sweater Villains Data Controller in your region will respond to your inquiry within 30 days.

Sweater Villains may update its privacy policy from time to time. When we change the policy in a material way a notice will be posted on our website along with the updated privacy policy.

Last updated December 23, 2004

© 2004 Sweater Villains, Inc. All rights reserved.